ANIME AWARDS CEREMONY 2013

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Wow! I mean, wow! I can’t believe that I’ve been on WordPress for an entire year without getting banned! That’s an accomplishment for me! So anyways, how was 2013 in general? I’ll tell you one thing:

IT FUCKING SUCKED! JESUS, I DIDN’T THINK I’D BE WISHING 2007 BACK, BUT HERE I AM, WISHING IT BACK!

Okay, so how was 2013 in anime? Yeah.. it still sucks, but there were actually some good ones this year. So if you want to waste some time and your life with me, then you better get some condoms because this awards ceremony is full of unpopular, unprotected opinions! Let’s go!

WARNING: I only put the animes that I’ve watched onto here, so don’t expect Silver Spoon or any sequels for that matter because I hadn’t watched them yet.

Bestest Quality (all KyoAni shows disqualified): I go into the animes that have the most beautiful animation, looks, and other physical qualities. All KyoAni shows are disqualified because if they weren’t, they would take up all the spots.

And the winner is…

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1st place: Gargantia on the Verdurous

When I first watched this, I was blown away by the quality! I mean, look at that animation! Look at that beauty! This is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than any KyoAni anime I’ve seen in a long ass time! Nice job, Production IG.

2nd: Nagi no Asukara

3rd: Fantasista Doll

4th: Galilei Donna

5th: Love Lab

Most Disappointed: These animes were the ones that I had a little hope for, but in the end, they disappointed me.

And the winner is…

HorribleSubs-Kotoura-san-01-720p.mkv_snapshot_16.53_2013.01.16_08.40.59

This is it. This is the actual show.

1st place: Kotoura-san

Some of a FUCKING BITCH! You know, even if I did somewhat knew that this was going to happen, I was still pissed off when the anime made the transition to decent story and characters to… this. It’s like going from good movie to shitty sequal. It’s just not supposed to happen! Fuck this show.

Honorable Mentions:

2nd: Watamote

3rd: Recorder and Randsell

4th: Sunday Without God

5th: Blood Lad

Most Surprised: These animes are the ones where I had little to no faith in, but they ended up surprising me. Basically like the train that could.

And the winner is…

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1st place: Love Lab

Please refer here to know why.

Honorable Mentions:

2nd: Attack on Titan

3rd: OreShura

4th: Non Non Biyori

5th: Fantasista Doll

What I Expected: I expected it, and I got it.

And the winner is…

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1st place: Miss Monochrome

I wasn’t going to watch it since I thought that it was going to be a boring piece of shit, but somehow the title triggered me into it. And… I’m right; it’s a boring piece of shit.

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I imagine a bunch of you saying this.

Okay, so not all of it is boring. Actually, there were some parts where I smiled. But the majority of the show is boring and just tiring to watch. If I were you, I’d say skip it. Then again, none of you are like me, so what’s the point of that last sentence?

Honorable Mentions:

2nd: Teekyu Seasons 2 and 3

3rd: Tamako Market

4th: Mangirl!

5th: Diabolik Lovers

Biggest Pussy: These characters really had no excuses to be such annoyances and pussies.

And the winner is…

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Rin Matsuoka– Free!

If you’ve watched Free!, and if you’ve actually finished (which I applaud you for), then you know that this little piss-shit acted all sad and depressed until the last two episodes where he made up with McBlandold’s like a happy little ending. But do you want to know why he acted like this in the first place?! Like, really want to know?! I’ll tell you whiling spoiling you in the process because it’s not worth going through the series.

It was all because Haru beat him in a swim race back in the sixth/seventh grade.

You see children, this is why he wins this spot. Not only for this year, but in general. Fuck him and fuck Free!.

Honorable Mentions:

2nd: Kazuki Ferrari– Galilei Donna

3rd: Chisaki Hiradaira– Nagi no Asukara

4th: Suzune Tanahashi– Love Lab

5th: Aoi Fukasaku– Coppelion

Biggest Balls: Some of these characters may not be bad-ass, but boy do they got balls of steel!

And the winner is…

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Suguru Koshigaya– Non Non Biyori

Imagine this: You are in a slice-of-life anime with 12 episodes, and all the main characters are girls. Hell, you are practically the only male in said anime. And if that weren’t enough, you don’t get any dialogue. You don’t even have a voice. You have to make people laugh by doing something physically. If you can survive this life just fine for 15-16 years, then you automatically have balls. No exceptions.

Honorable Mentions:

2nd: Sayori Mizushima– Love Lab

3rd: Ibara Naruse– Coppelion

4th: Yoto Yokodera– HenNeko

5th: Masuzu Natsukawa– OreShura

The Tryhard Award: I get it: You want people me to take you seriously. But it’s too hard when you keep fucking SHOVING YOURSELF IN MY GOD DAMN FACE!!!

And the winner is…

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1st place: Strike the Blood

Let’s not get into the plot yet and instead, let’s focus on the name of this piece of shit. Strike the Blood. Yeah, you know that your anime is a tryhard anime when you name it Strike the Blood. Now let’s get into the plot, plagiarized directly from Wikipedia.

The Fourth Progenitor—That’s the world’s strongest vampire that should only exist in legends. Accompanied by twelve Kenjuu and spreading calamity, this phantom vampire appeared in Japan. For the observation and obliteration of this Fourth Progenitor, the government and Lion King decided to dispatch an attack mage known as a Sword Shaman. However, for some reason, the one chosen for the observation was an apprentice Sword Shaman girl, Himeragi Yukina. Wielding the strongest anti-progenitor spirit spear, Yukina arrived at Demon District, Itogami City. What is the true identity of the Fourth Progenitor, Akatsuki Kojou, she encountered over there!?

So in case this didn’t make any sense to you, let me lighten you up and tell you in my own two cents while imitating Encyclopedia Dramatica.

This faggot named Kojo is something called Fourth Progenitor, making him powerful as fuck. So the government and some organization called the Lion King (Oh God, really?!) treats him like a terrorist and sends a middle schooler to kill him.Little did they know, this girl actually likes Kojo, but she has to kill, so I don’t how the fuck that’s going to work.

You see what I’m saying now?

Honorable Mentions:

2nd: Beyond the Boundary

3rd: Sunday Without God

4th: Outbreak Company

5th: Attack on Titan

The New Aya Hirano: Remember when this bitch was over-rated? Well, someone has to take her spot.

And the winner is…

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1st place: Kana Hanazawa

Let’s see how many roles she has played this ye- 20?! Good Lord, woman! 20’s more than enough thank you very much. And the even stranger part is the fact that she’s enrolled in six parts so far just this winter! If she ever says that she’s going to rehab for exhaustion, I would totally believe her and support her.

Honorable Mentions:

2nd: Yui Horie

3rd: Ai Kayano

4th: Yukari Tamura

The Mikuru Asahina Award: Self-explanatory if you’ve actually watched The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzimiya.

And the winner is…

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1st place: Manaka Mukaido– Nagi no Asukara

Of all my days of watching anime, I have never seen a character go this close to Mikuru Asahina level, but this little kid voiced by the new Aya Hirano definitely wins it. She’s a crybaby that really serves nothing much, and she’s pretty damn weak. She’s accepting, but some of the other characteristics just make her like her.

But don’t worry; she’s probably dead.

Honorable Mentions are not available for this year.

Ultimate Platinum: The best of the best.

And the winner is…

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1st place: Aku no Hana (over-all grade: 96/A)

This show is a masterpiece. The characters are amazing, the concept is amazing, the execution is amazing, just everything I like about this! This is everything I’ve been looking for in an anime. The only nitpick I can pick at is the roto-scoping just needs more detail. Other than that, I have absolutely nothing to complain about.

Honorable Mentions:

2nd: Kyousougiga (over-all grade: 93/A)

3rd: Love Lab (over-all grade: 90/A)

4th: Coppelion (over-all grade: 87/B)

5th: Galilei Donna (over-rall grade: 85/B)

Ultimate Shit: The worst of the worst.

And the winner is…

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1st place: Watamote (over-all grade: -134/R)

Fucking Christ… where the hell do I begin? First off, the jokes are repetitive and not funny. The protagonist is disgusting, and my God- people like this?! Now don’t get me wrong- I love dark comedy. South Park is one of my favorite shows. But this is just unbearable. You wanna know why I didn’t put Free! as the worst? Because at least Free!, despite how shitty and forced it was, had some character development and story. Watamote has nothing that makes it its own. If I had a gun, I would shoot my feet.

Dishonorable Mentions:

2nd: Tamako Market (over-all grade: -56/K)

3rd: Beyond the Boundary (over-all grade: -17/H)

4th: Amnesia (over-all grade: 1/F)

5th: Kotoura-san (over-all grade: 10/F)

Whew. That was pretty icky. Hopefully 2014 won’t be a shit-fest like this year since my number one New Year’s resolution is to watch more anime.

See you on the dark side of the coon, motherfuckers.

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