ANIME AWARDS CEREMONY 2014 (OR SOME SHIT)

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Jesus Christ am I late for this. So anyway, how was 2014?

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!! It was really BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!! Like, it somehow managed to be worse than 2013, and that’s saying a lot!

So, I’m just going to go on ahead with this list or some shit. Now let’s go.

  • Bestest Quality (all KyoAni disqualified): Most beautiful animation. Winner?

1st: Nagi no Asukara (overall grade: 80/B-)

“BUT THAT’S A 2013 ANIME!!!”

It aired in 2014, so shut the fuck up. That out of the way, Nagi no Asukara has really beautiful animation even surpassing any Kyoto Animations anime. So much detail and so much fluency into this piece of art. Good job, P.A. Works.

2nd: One Week Friends

3rd: Love Live!

4th: Aldnoah.Zero (I really like the designs, okay?)

5th: Parasyte

  • Most Disappointed: I had some hope, but shit sank. Winner?

1st: Glasslip (overall grade: 40/F)

GOD DAMN IT, P.A. WORKS! I thought you guys knew better than this shit! The worst part about this is the fact that the animation isn’t as pretty, and the characters are fucking boring!

FUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!

2nd: Pupipo!

3rd: Pupa

4th: Akuma no Riddle

5th: Captain Earth

  • Most Surprised: I had little hope, but the pie was delicious. Winner?

Blue Spring Ride (overall grade: 78/C)

When I was looking this shit up, I was expecting the most generic and boring shoujo romance anime ever. Surprised to say, I got only a little of that. These characters I kind of cared for, the plot was pretty good for a shoujo romance, and the animation is pretty good too.

2nd: Wake Up, Girls!

3rd: Tonari no Seki-kun

4th: Knights of Sidonia

5th: World Conquest Zvezda Plot

  • What I Expected: I expected it, I got it. Winner?

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Sailor Moon Crystal (overall grade: 41/F)

See, I was never really a Sailor Moon fan from the beginning. My older sister was. So when I found out that Sailor Moon was getting a reboot, I mentally groaned and assumed that it would be stupid and boring as fuck. Needless to say, I was right. Hell, even a lot of the Sailor Moon fans don’t like Crystal.

2nd: Denki Gai

3rd: Soul Eater Not!

4th: Super Sonico

5th: Project 575

  • Biggest Pussy/Mikuru Asahina Award: This character is a pussy. The titles are interchangeable and basically mean the same thing. Winner?

WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT IS THIS?!

Usagi Tsukino (Sailor Moon Crystal)

This is probably why I don’t like Sailor Moon. Usagi Tsukino aka THE FUCKING PROTAGONIST. I mean, yeah she eventually gets brave and all, but the first few episodes I’ve watched? Nothing except crying and hiding. I understand being afraid, but God damn it! Hiding and crying isn’t going to get the monsters away! Trying to fight them will, so at least try to fight the monsters! If this list was made in 1992, Usagi would still make the list.

No honorable mentions.

  • Biggest Balls: These characters have balls of steel. Winner?

Wooser (Wooser’s Hand-to-Mouth Life S2)

“BUT THAT’S A 2012 ANIME!”

Wooser had a second season in winter of 2104, so shut the fuck up! Anyways, he died for your sins in the last episode of said season, and if that’s a major spoiler, then…

No honorable mentions

  • The Tryhard Award: They try so fucking hard that I can’t take them seriously. It doesn’t matter what they’re trying to do; they just tried way too hard. Winner?

Akame ga Kill (overall grade: -10/G)

In the first episode alone, there was at least sixty tons of blood pouring out during the episode. Then nothing happening. Then the shitty characters. Need I say more?

2nd: Himegoto

3rd: Is the Order a Rabbit?

4th: Super Sonico

5th: Pupa (It pained me to put Pupa here.)

  • The New Aya Hirano: Which fucking seiyuu got over-hired this year? Winner?

Mamoru Miyano

Miyano-san, I love you about as much as I love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches my mother makes (which means that I kind of like you). But seriously dude, are your vocal cords okay? You might wanna take a vacation for a while. But you voiced Shining Armor from Friendship is Magic so it’s all okay.

2nd: Ai Kayano

3rd: Sora Amamiya

4th: Ayaka Ohashi

  • Ultimate Platnium: The best of the best. Winner?

Space Dandy (overall grade: 99/A)

HOLY SHIT MY OVARIES!!! Space Dandy has got to be one of the funniest anime show I’ve ever watched in my entire life! It’s all due to the characters, the plots, the crazy situations, and the dumb as hell opening song! My life is complete!

2nd: One Week Friends (overall grade: 97/A)

3rd: Tonari no Seki-kun (overall grade: 95/A)

4th: Parasyte (overall grade: 92/A)

5th: Wake Up, Girls! (overall grade: 88/B)

  • Ultimate Shit: The worst of the worst. Winner?

Himegoto (overall grade: -10 stars)

Dear whoever the fuck thought that this shit was a good idea,

Just because the victim of sexual assault jokes is male does not make it automatically funny. It’s still as disgusting as having the victim of sexual assault jokes be a female. Before you call me an Men’s Right Activist or some stupid shit like that, hear me out. If the victim was female, I would still see this as the worst anime ever. I don’t like these characters. I don’t like the plot. I especially don’t like the execution. I don’t like the concept. The End.

2nd: Recently, My Sister is Unusual (overall grade: -4 stars)

3rd: Super Sonico (overall grade: -3000/Y-)

4th: Mekakucity Actors (overall grade: -94/O)

5th: Pupipo! (overall grade: -32/J)

Bah humbug.

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