Cute High Earth Defense Club: First Impressions

Boy was this an experience…

I was expecting to fucking hate this thing, but somehow… I actually kind of enjoyed it…

You may be asking yourself, “What the fuck just happened?” Well, I’m here to explain it the best way I can.

Once upon a time in a bathhouse two characters named Atsushi and En- okay, hold the fuck up!

I’m just gonna go ahead and change the names because I damn well know I’m not going to be able to remember this shit. In fact, I’m just go on ahead and change all the names.

 This is Megpoid IA.

 This is Shounen-tan.

 This is Better Than Rei.

 This is Slaine from Aldnoah.Zero.

 This is Hebephilia Fetish.

 This is Winnie the Piglet.

Got that? Good.

Once upon a time in a bathhouse two characters named Better Than Rei and Slaine from Aldnoah.Zero were relaxing in a bathtub just talking about food or some shit. Slaine from Aldnoah.Zero said that he doesn’t like chikuwabu. Better Than Rei and Slaine from Aldnoah.Zero talk for another while, and then some weird pink shit comes right the fuck out of nowhere. It turns out to be Winnie the Piglet. He tries to explains that they’re to become magical boys, but luckily our two human cis scums won’t take shit. Hebephilia Fetish comes in to tell Rei and Slaine to stop wrestling in the bathtub when he notices Winnie the Piglet. Then he gets a boner and starts molesting the damn thing because all men are rapists.

The next day, we get a look at our Today Villain, an average in between cis scum. He’s moping about out he’s average and no one would have sex with him. Then we go to our heroes’ classroom where we meet the teacher. The twist is that Winnie is controlling the teacher. After Winnie spots Rei and Slaine, he starts stalking them, chasing them all the way to the club where we meet Megpoid IA and Shounen-tan. When Winnie catches up with them, he tells them about becoming magical boys. And then…

MAGIC TIME!!!

And we transform!

And we fight, and-

Best part of the episode obviously!

Once they get used to being in magical boy clothes, they start KICKING ASS!

See, Sailor Moon? This is how you do.

So yeah, I like this show.

Don’t worry, Slaine. At least you look more appealing than AKB48.

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